Bastard Keith Saves Chanukah (or at least my sense of humor)

Custom Mad Lib (JDX) with fill-ins by Gal Friday, Minnie Tonka and Jo Boobs

Have I said how much I hate Christmas? I know, I’ve been too busy to properly VENT, the way blogs were intended. Didn’t even post my much-needed-by-society “Subway Etiquette,” which should have been obvious to anyone who had to ride a train since Thanksgiving. Whatevs. Humbug. Carriage return.

IF I have anything to look forward for NEXT year’s holiday season, it will be a rerun of this year’s piece of inflaccid brilliance by Bastard Keith et al, “B.K. Saves Chanukah” as part of the Burlesque Blitz at the Kraine. Pity it was only went one night. I would have gone back. Effin hilarious, totally hot, and quite possibly the most seamless blend of narrative, nudity, and ne’er-do’well-otry this reporter has seen on a thrust stage. (I know, Kraine’s technically not a thrust, but it’s not a black box either and there just aren’t any good double entendre’s coming off of “proscenium.” Perineum? Peritoneum? Forget it.) If there had been live music—and a door man who didn’t blow smoke in my face, mumble “Ah’m ‘bout to kick someone’s ass” and then, when I said “Excuse me?” bark that he was “On the phone”—well, if there’d been live music, anyway, I would have been in pervert/nudey-junky/bad-joke heaven.

A few choice words about the show, with no spoilers in the hopes that we see it again. My advice: don’t read this at all. Just check out the dope mad libs, penned by me, blanks filled in by all your favorite peeps. (Not me.)

Custom Mad Lib (JDX) with fill-ins by Bastard Keith

*Bastard Keith wants us to believe that his “other job” is leading the Jewstice League, banging Minnie Tonka, and fighting evil—or, at least, Gentiles. Like THIS job isn’t cool enough, we should be more jealous.

*Gal Friday—who’s rock-solid sexy voice has already been described in these pages—is also the mistress of the dead-pan delivery. Dry as sherry, hot as tacos. People, write some more killer dialogue for this girl—like B.K. did, e.g., “I will cut a bitch.” Bows to Wayne Brady on “Chapelle,” methinks, but really, you have to hear Gal say it. Pure ‘tude

*The only thing better than watching Gal Friday strip is watching her with one eye while watching Jo Boobs’ reactions with the other. I feel like I just took a master class in BQ.

*Madame Rosebud—as the leader of the League of Evil Gentiles—in full-on Gestapo gear, revealing a NYPD-like baton with a “thwikk!” Who knew that could be hot? The serpentine wiggle out of that onesie didn’t hurt.

*B.K. plugs Hatori Hanzo.

*B.K. keeps the best lines for himself: “Obviously this bitch hasn’t seen ‘Munich.’”

*Almost: M. Rosebud: “I will literally grow a dick and fuck you to death!”

*Minnie Tonka forced to dance for evil M. Rosebud—in a blue glamorama dress complete with fur trim, SO holidayriffic, hiding behind a white stole in smilin’, finger-snappin’ hotness tempered with hilarity—which leads to Rosebud slipping out of men’s clothes—bowler, tux pants, wife beater—smoking all the while, terrifically andro, all of which gets Minnie hot, and—I said no spoilers. But this is the kind of strip-moves-the-script action that sings “Narrative!” and pulls a show together.

Kiss kiss,

JDX