September 18, 2015
Electric Theatre, Guildford
Another Friday, another sensational show, cast and frothing audience to relish and regale with sequinned and painted delight. This sunny day found me racing down the highway with Prince Lydia to the Electric Theatre in Guildford, an exciting show in association with the Guildford Fringe Theatre Company. We took along our family pet, Italian greyhound Milo Dray — I’ve always wanted to be one of those burly divas with their tiny dog in tow — more on him and his stage fright later… We arrived early and scoped out the joint: a crisp modern auditorium with an large stage and, hold your breath, a sprung marly floor! Eeeeeee! Bun heads and jazz bunnies rejoice! This may seem like a small thing but the floor is usually what I note first on a stage when I’m going through my mental checklist and this one was deep, wide and slick, just like I like my Friday night shenanigans, and I was really excited to watch everyone really enjoy the space.
The line-up was an exciting one, especially because there were several performers I’d never met before and two I totally adore filling out the rest. I always love performing at Hundred Watt Club but this was my first time doing acts as opposed to hosting and it was a real pleasure to bring these two pieces in particular, it’s a smart, savvy and engaged audience around here! Minus the belligerent drunk lady who was jealous of all the attention she wasn’t getting…more on that later too! Our fearless leader Lena Mae, creative director and uber producer of the Hundred Watt Club (seriously I think she booked me in 2007 for this gig…) arrived cheeky and gorgeous as ever and I settled into the dressing room with my Prince and our pooch and waited for the sparkly ones to start flowing in. And they were so brilliant it was blinding!
The show was steered by the wizened and wicked Divine Miss Em, I had heard tell of her brilliance but have only see her once before, hosting some fabulous awards ceremony or some such fun. A gifted singer and vintage styled babe, it’s awesome to watch her work an audience as perhaps they expect respectability and standard something or other and in her they get talent but also total filth and glamourous goofiness. No audience member is safe and none of them cared one bit, in fact they seemed to hope to be the next recipient of her razor tongue or silly shade; sadists the lot of them! She also brought Milo on for his Hundred Watt debut in a tartan onesie and let me tell you… that dog, he’s no Toto, but he’s damn cute and the audience went mad for his little moment in the spotlight.
Felicity Furore brought the pretty and perky to the show with punch and pizazz, bringing with her an arsenal of moxie and moves. She also kicked off our first act with a glittering green eyed number where she bumped, shimmied and sashayed across the stage, each flick, kick and hip accented by an eye brow, a snarl or a smile. A fairly new showgirl, she has fast made a name for herself in the London scene, and it was cool to watch her stretch her legs and wings as she conquers further UK stages. In the second act, Felicity brought some Mister-Mistoffelees realness with a no-strip dance piece where she slinked across stage, costumed in leopard print and half a dozen weaves; it was sassy, here-kitty-kitty class.
Lilyana L’Amour was our ‘newbie’ slot for the evening and she was absolutely the epitome of sensational, sensual and professional; how many newer performers could handle a drunken audience member getting booted out of the audience by two very loud ushers in the middle of their act without so much as a eyelash bat in their (her!) disrespectful direction? Lilyana was a curvy, swervy, sparkly as fuck, bundle of babe and I was a little in love and totally inspired by her focus and swagger as she swayed and bumped all over that stage in an amazing (barely there, thank the goddesses!) costume. I had the pleasure and honour of closing each act, first with my dancelesque homage ‘Fridaaa’ and lastly with my ever popular ‘Pottyyymouth Princess’ which got the audience fired up in two totally different ways. I had a blaaast!
As Divine Miss Em kept everything bubbling and buzzing, soaking up the love after each showtune, joke and audience swipe, the absolutely hysterical Adriano Fettuccini brought mastery and vaudevillian magic with his two turns. First, a series of ukulele tunes about a range of heady topics, sung by a dapper, moustachioed gentleman — I can’t remember the topics now, microbes? Bacteria? Vicious venereal disease? But they were funny and informative. For his second act, it was some exceptional sideshow sensationalism. After softening us up with some one liners and silly obligatory striptease, Adriano was spinning four plates, from crotch, nipple, ear and mouth, while simultaneously juggling knives. His assistant, directly from the audience, looked like she was going to wet her circle skirt dress with awe and lust. Adriano is such a shy but strong showman and I always enjoy working with him, I seem to learn something new through song and reach higher heights of disbelief over what tricks and treats a circus artist can do.
Badass boss Lena Mae was the final sparkling jewel of the show with two totally different acts. The first was an homage to the film, Metropolis, and her costume always makes me gag with envy; it’s blinged to the MAX, which adds to the mesmerising nature of the shimmering and stark piece. The second act got off to a bloody great start with her Rocky inspired boxer burly work out, complete with full sequin track suit, sparkling sneakers and a nose flowing finale with a water bottle water t-shirt moment and a bold, boobs out, battle cry finishing pose. Divine Miss Em sung us into the curtain call and cast bows while the audience roared and a few jumped to their feet. As always it was a wonderful and sweet show with the Hundred Watt team. Until next time!